Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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