I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
