I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
