drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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