A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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