Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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