Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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