Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize