Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize