I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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