You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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