she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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