We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
