He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
