Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
