5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
