I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
