It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
