I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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