there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
