The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
