Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
