so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
