he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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