I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize