He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
