am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize