What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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