I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
