i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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