Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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