Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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