Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My vagina is officially offended.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize