i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
