Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
