I'm gonna have a badass scar
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
