Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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