i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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