He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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