Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
