Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Randomize
