How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i think i just lost a toe
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
