he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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