That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
