Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
