it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
