Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
