I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
