She is in my trunk
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize