So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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