I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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