God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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