After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
