Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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