I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Me too!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
