When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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