Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
