i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
