There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
