So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
