Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
