so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
