it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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