I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
