My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
