im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish i was in the wii world.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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