I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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