I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
false alarm. still invincible.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
