So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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