So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
