i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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