Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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