He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
