My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
